Thanksgiving 2018. A couple weeks ago, I was so consumed in sorrow that I struggled to see the light shining through the clouds. This morning was a bit cloudy, even so, today I saw the light shine through and down on to me!
Just over a month ago, I had an experience that I am still healing from. I came to know what is it to be a part of the experience of 1 in 5. That is 1 in 5 pregnancies ending in miscarriage. It is a raw, painful, sad, and love filled journey, that is rarely talked about. Writing helped in my healing process. I wrote letters to the little love I will never meet, but whose soul I felt so connected to from the moment it began to grow within me. I wrote letters of love and gratitude to persons in my life and I shared publicly, a bit about my story because community heals, love heals and sadness, well it is an incredible expression of love. The healing continues, it is a journey.
I did not know how today would go. Would the pain feel heightened without lots of family nearby? I saw little benefit to pondering that question. As I asked myself it though, I knew that I would like to lead a Gratitude Yoga Flow practice on Thanksgiving, if the studio was open to it and they were! The studio was packed, not only with mats and smiling faces, but so completely with love, warmth, joy, gratitude, hugs and laughter. As class was about to start, I felt tears welling up in my eyes, tears of gratitude, full of light and love … I felt joy that I have not felt so completely since I had the miscarriage. Leading class today was an absolute gift, of shared energy, hearts opening, love expanding. I can not imagine, a more beautiful way for today to have begun.
After class ended, conversations came to a close and students journeyed onward to their own Thanksgiving celebrations. I stayed. I stayed and sat. I am telling you, the room was full, as it could be with everyone’s beautiful love and light. I sat and I felt it all. As I sat in the studio, I smiled and then I found myself laughing, delighted by the journey shared. It was at that moment, that my uncle called, facetiming me in to Thanksgiving dinner with my family. I saw my parents and I choked up. I saw my grandparents and I choked up. I saw my brothers and I choked up. Each time, I choked up was out of love. From thousand of miles away, I felt their presence, as if they were next to me and I know this is in part thanks to technology, but also as a result of my willingness and practice of surrender to my Self, allowing me to be present: not just as a body or a mind and body, but as all: mind – body – soul, connected and present in love, gratitude and light, today.
Day one is nearing an end now. My heart is full. Tears have been shed on and off today. I even got to spend a few moments of today connecting with my love, my husband before he went to work. and then I took time to reflect upon the beauty of a day spent where I feel a bit more like myself again, than I have in the past several weeks.
It was a lovely day here. I hope it was for you too! Happy Thanksgiving.
May each day be full of gratitude, light and love.