I caught myself doing something I found a bit funny this morning… As I was driving to yoga, I began thinking about this journey I am now embarking on. I found myself thinking about the books I would like to read, where in Joshua Tree National Park I would like to take a walking meditation and then I realized that I was already writing my blog post out in my head before I even meditated. I was literally thinking about how it would be to sit in meditation today, where my thoughts and energy would be at that time which had not yet even come, Oh my! And so this journey begins with a humble reminder to come back to the present moment. My morning continued with a beautiful yoga practice led by a great teacher and friend. As I moved with my body and breath, it became undeniably clear to me that I did not get enough sleep the night prior – so tonight I do hope to find a greater amount of peaceful rest. Truth is, I sometimes struggle to accept without bringing in judgement, how much sleep my body really does need. It is something I am working on – to release judgement, letting it go on the exhale – that is my practice.
Class today opened up with a brief seated meditation with an invitation to follow the breath in gratitude, allowing the inhale to be a thank you and the exhale to let go, releasing deeper into the moment. I felt waves of peace wash over me, as I settled in. I also felt a real desire for rest, not just of the physical body, but of judgements I place upon my Self, to be more, to do more… a deep yearning to let the judgements go.
Truthfully, writing this blog is an easier practice for me than sitting in meditation. I felt this today, as I looked forward to reflecting through writing and resisted setting aside the time to sit with my Self, my thoughts, my peace and unrest. Now, please do not get me wrong I am excited for this journey and want to be on it. I recognize though that I am a harsh critic at times of my Self and have been a bit resistance to holding space for myself. I am looking forward to it though, to the meditation and the transformation, unknown as of yet, that may come, as my awareness returns fully to the present.
I sat in meditation in our yogi office for 10 minutes today. I returned to the sweet gratitude offering presented at yoga earlier today. Inhale: thank you. Exhale: let go. I did not stay with the breath or the few words carried through the breath throughout, but the words did provide a foundation, a meditation to return to when my mind began to wander to do lists. Initially, I felt the urge to move instead of to be still, but soon within the stillness I felt the flow of energy moving through me. It was a wonderful feeling, one that I admittedly have resisted for a while now – to sit with myself through the urge to move, into seated stillness and energetic awareness.
So, here is my intention moving forward into this weekend and week ahead… to follow the suggestion shared here:
“You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes everyday – unless you’re too busy; then you should sit for an hour.”―
When we work out our body, we learn our edge and with practice we expand it outward. When we sit in meditation, we come to know the places within us where fear and/or anxiety reside. And it is with awareness that our journey of Self expands outward and deeper in to the heart of self love.