This evening I sat with myself for thirty minutes in guided meditation. I used the insight meditation app, which if you do not have it and are looking for a great app, (free too!) I highly recommend it. I chose to sit in front our Christmas tree, which is up and decorated for the season. I turned off the lights in other parts of the house so that the lights on the tree were able to shine so brightly into the room. The energy was peaceful and I felt my mind calming already.
I chose to sit on the floor on my meditation cushion in half lotus position. It is a seated position, which I feel open, present and grounded in. Thirty minutes went by faster than I thought it would. I will confess though, I struggled to remain in complete stillness for the whole time. Now, I know this is not what the practice of meditation is about and it is just that, a practice – I realized though, how difficult it is for me to sit and Be in complete stillness. Letting go of movement to surrender to witnessing the very moment I am in is not something I do often. At one point during the meditation, the woman’s voice guiding it, instructed that both hands be placed on the heart, so that I may hold myself. I opened up my eyes, looked at the twinking lights on the Christmas tree, placed my hands on my heart and felt tears roll down my face. I felt the love I am asking to be held in understanding, peace and what it is, love. I felt so clearly, how I have not been honoring my own perfect imperfection.
To honor where one is – who one is – a perfectly imperfect Being of divine love, this is an offering I give my yoga students, to honor where they are on their own journey — And here I was tonight, feeling so clearly, how I have not been doing this for my own Self, as of recent. The guide of this meditation then instructed a return of attention to the breath and so I felt love flowing through me and around me. And my mind, it was drifted here and there, as it will, but all the busyness of earlier was no where to be seen, as I gave it an opportunity to be heard and to surrender to my body and my heart, the steady rhythm of breath moving and love flowing.
This is a journey, not just of meditation, but of loving commitment to my Self: the divine trinity of mind – body and soul, that I am so ready to be on, even as routines are easier to create in theory than in practice sometimes. Again though, it is a practice. I am not striving for perfection, simply the presence of Being in the moment without judgement.
Well, it is clear to me that I could continue to write and write this evening, so I will close with a photo from the hike shared earlier today with my husband.
May peace be with you, wherever you are, in the moment unfolding now.