Being Present with Darkness. Day 4.


If you are lost.
If nothing makes sense anymore.
If all your reference points
have collapsed.

If the old life is crumbling now.
If the mind is foggy, tired, busy.
If the organism is exhausted
and longs to rest.

This is a rite of passage,
not an error.

You are healing
in your own original way.

Contact the ground now.
Breathe. In, out.
Make room for the visitors:
The sorrow, doubt, fear, anger.
An ancient emptiness –
They just want to be felt.
They just want to pass through.

You are a vessel, not a separate self.
You are a sky, not the passing weather.

An old life is falling away.
A new life is being born.

Others may not understand.

But trust anyway.
Contact the ground.

– Jeff Foster

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I woke up this morning, after a restful (almost) ten hours of sleep. Oh, how my body needed that rest! Right upon waking, I felt an urge for a very split second to speak degradingly to myself for not getting up earlier and “doing more”.  Really though, rest is what my mind and body so desired. I feel more centered today than I do on days where more sleep was needed, but not had. The voice inside that was perhaps my ego speaking, judging a bit even, was quieted, as I read the above words. Have you ever opened up a post online or turned the page in a book, to words that you felt you were meant to read at the very moment you did?! That is how I felt and feel about the words above, Trust the Darkness Now. I used to pride myself in “getting over” heartache quickly, be it the heartache of a breakup, the loss of a relative, or conflict in another area of my life. Truth is, I never did “get over” heartache quickly. What I did do, was busy myself with a lot of doing… so much so that I buried the emotion I was feeling, instead of holding space for myself to be present with it.

Being present with where I am, as I am, without judgement… that to me is the greatest gift of meditation — Being at peace with my Self, as I am, as my soul’s journey continues to unfold. Many people tend to turn to actions that are not always the healthiest, when they do not grant themselves permission to feel all the emotions moving through them. I have gone down this road before. This is how I moved on quickly. You see, to someone on the outside, I looked put together, happy and motivated. And in a way I was. I was motivated to continue to move through life at the pace I was used to, without pause, without feeling the truth of heartache. Unfortunately, to cope with it, I did not always have the healthiest of habits at the time and the presence of anger and sadness only grew within (me).

To feel all that is in our experience is by no means always easy, but I swear it is always worth it. For, you see, it is then that we can truly heal and grow stronger from the journey we are on. We can release the pain, by holding space to feel it and express it. Then, we can be present with the joy and the light that shines through into the darkness. We may even come to appreciate the darkness, for it is a great teacher and a great place to rise up in the energy of love, to reconnect with our Self: love, light and peace: the foundation of who we are. So, I choose to feel all that it is here for me in the moment I am in, without judgement. This morning that meant sleeping in, allowing my body the rest it needed and I am so grateful I did. May peace fill your Being.

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